Can you explain that? 07:46 Pamela D. Wilson: The second lesson is to make plans and decisions while you can. As a caregiver, you are under a great deal of emotional pressure. It is not easy caring for an elderly parent but with the right help and support you can provide the care they need in the comfort and familiarity of a family home. Getting the help of a professional that is equipped to take care of them will be ideal for you both. The way to a better experience is to create positive family relationships. Because research has proven that caregivers learn better when they are with other caregivers in groups and courses and in support groups. As a matter of fact, it’s admirable. And in both cases, they thought people were more likely to say no to them than people actually were. When the health of elderly parents is complicated, sometimes caregivers may visit, leave, and wonder, even if they will see their elderly parent the next day. Emotions are not "good" or "bad" -- they're just bottled-up energy. 33:42 Pamela D. Wilson: You might relate the present situation to another near disaster that you successfully solved. We interpret that rejection as meaning something bigger about us, or the relationship we have with that person or about the thing we’re asking for—like there was something wrong with what I was asking. That is no surprise. Research proves that caregiving is stressful. Third lesson is to find support and education. We’re afraid we may not know what to do. Share that one with your elderly parents and your family. Caregiving conversations can be delayed until an unexpected event happens, because we don’t think that anything is ever going to happen. Aging parents, spouses, and loved ones put little effort into helping the caregiver help them. I’m very curious about it. It’s totally normal to have them. This is information the healthcare system isn’t going to teach you, and also how to manage through caregiving situations that are frustrating. Most parents assume that working and caring for elderly parents would be a priority for their adult children who became caregivers. In fact, about 67 percent of bankruptcy situations happen due to medical bills. So, ways in which you’re actually sort of— because you hate to see that person suffer and you want to step in and do something about it. Coming up next week we have Dr. Katherine Ornstein. Maybe your brother or sister did something long ago, and you’re still thinking about it today. Until women start asking these questions and realizing that they have choices, women will remain that primary caregiver. To be clear, there’s nothing wrong with taking care of your elderly parents. Conversations that build up the expectation that women have to give up their lives to care for elderly parents and raise children—we have to change that. What do I mean? To download the show so that you can listen anywhere and share it with family, friends, and groups, click on the button (the fourth black button from the left) below that looks like a down arrow. When, in fact, people are often quite happy to help for nothing and just feel good helping. Especially if elderly parents never thank you. It’s PamelaDWilson.com. For example, an early diagnosis of high blood pressure can be managed by a change in diet or some exercise. She’s going to talk about her research about spousal caregivers and their relationships in the last years of life. As we get older, so do our parents and other loved ones. This is important if your parents have day-to-day living needs. It’s also best to leave the care of your elderly parents to professionals if you can’t offer them adequate assistance. Many adult children provide assisted living type care in the homes of elderly parents so that they can stay there. 55:36 Pamela D. Wilson: Caregivers, thank you for everything that you do. Have a plan to respond positively to manage situations that make you feel resentful, within your family, with friends, and in the workplace, negative feelings. The basic ADL activities are typically listed as: Self-feeding. Let’s relate this to the notion of unexpected healthcare issues. Giving up your life to care for aging parents may mean that your only focus is working and caring for elderly parents. And in fact, those are the people we ask most often. If not, make time for you and your parents to listen to The Caring Generation podcast called What is a DNR? When you have undue stress and anxiety in your life from taking care of your parents, it can be more detrimental than you think. Asking for help and feeling guilty are topics that most caregivers know very well. This situation is not uncommon: When an aging parent needs care, it's often one child out of several siblings who steps up to the plate to offer help. So, empathy is certainly associated with all sorts of good things, and most notably, one of those things is helping more. Preparing for the health for elderly parents can relieve the stress of working and caring for elderly parents. But we think we kind of treat it as this overblown thing that, oh, I shouldn’t have asked, I shouldn’t ask this person anymore. Taking Care of an Elderly Parent -- and Not Loving It? 44:00 Pamela D. Wilson: Insight number five for giving up your life to care for elderly parents, is the idea of balance and 50/50 participation. Have you even been to a doctor lately? Doctors will treat you after you become sick. A lot of people are now worrying about how they will live and pay their bills. Your parents can get lonely over time — especially if you have things going on in your life and aren’t able to provide full-time care. 42:33 Pamela D. Wilson: We can pass through resentment by making a choice to forgive ourselves and others for actions that created the resentment. So you mentioned miscarried helping. Are you okay with giving up other family activities to pay for the care of elderly parents, and have you considered how the time to care for elderly parents will affect you emotionally and physically? I think it helps to think—instead of thinking of a lack of empathy—I like to think of something that’s called an empathy gap. If you give yourself 24 hours to make any kind of important decisions—unless they’re really time-sensitive—rather than rushing, you’ll be able to notice the stages that your brain goes through. Many young people, many older people close to retirement, lost their jobs. When you care for your loved ones, it deepens your relationship with them. You’re definitely facing an uphill battle if caretaking has made you sacrifice your work. 17:43 Pamela D. Wilson: And we’re going head out to a break. 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