07:12 Pamela D. Wilson: In all of this, what are the lessons for working and caring for elderly parents, and the idea of giving up your life to care for elderly parents? Let’s relate this to the notion of unexpected healthcare issues. This is important if your parents have day-to-day living needs. Will your … And so, what that does is it really leads us to exaggerate the meaning of a rejection. And then you have someone who wants to help. In the first part of this program, we talked about pain and joy. As we get older, so do our parents and other loved ones. The next realization is that there are trade-offs between working and caring for elderly parents, and that giving up your life to care for elderly parents—while a noble idea, may not or may not have been a very logical or practical idea when you look back. And so, one of the contexts in which we see these empathy gaps are context of helping. What you’re experiencing and the opinions that you give me. Your parents can get lonely over time — especially if you have things going on in your life and aren’t able to provide full-time care. How does this apply to caregivers? A professional is especially helpful when your loved one has specific needs. We have to talk about caregiving being a family responsibility and a choice. For the child of an aging parent, this kind of break can be just what caregivers need. So, it really does seem to be more than just something you’re born with. Heating, electricity and other utilities being on all day adds up quickly. The basic ADL activities are typically listed as: Self-feeding. By Dr. Suzanne Gelb, Ph.D., J.D., Contributor. This is Pamela D. Wilson on The Caring Generation radio show. Caregivers know that giving up your life to care for elderly parents may not be the only option as you become more educated. You already know what may be gained by giving up your job and becoming the primary full-time caregiver for your parents. 23:23 Dr. Vanessa Bohns: So we kind of can make a bigger deal out of our rejection than it actually tends to be. 11:58 Dr. Vanessa Bohns: Yes, this is a really great question, not because it’s kind of philosophically interesting, but because it’s extremely practically important. Be a better caregiver by keeping the following in mind: Have a spiritual outlet. And in facts based on that research, we know that even though someone said no, that doesn’t mean that now you can never go to them, and now you have a limited pool of people you can ask for help. With a long-term caregiver, ou’ll know that you are getting top-notch care from professionals that are properly trained and certified. Channel 100 and TuneIn Radio, stay with me, we’ll be right back. The myth of self-interest is basically this mistaken assumption that other people only do things in their own self-interest. And they went out, and they asked people for these things, and they thought that if they asked one for something and they said no, that person would be more likely to say no again. What do I mean? ILR stands for Industrial and Labor Relations. It’s a choice that we make. You would benefit from knowing firsthand how they are faring day and night. Save money to pay for care, and you will sleep easier, and your adult children will thank you. So we should have a little bit of compassion, and if we can grow some empathy, that would be good too. This is how the idea of giving up your life to care for elderly parents should begin in families. I’m very curious about it. Can you imagine—and I know some of you are this—are you that 24/7 caregiver who gave up your life to care for elderly parents? And I like thinking about empathy gaps instead of a lack of empty because there isn’t really a negative connotation. Family situations and relationships can change when we become caregivers, working, and caring for elderly parents; it’s usually left to an adult daughter or an adult son. Working and caring for elderly parents is more worrisome for caregivers, concerned about elderly parents who live in care communities, or those who want to bring caregivers into the home. Feeling helpless and knowing that you, the caregiver, might eventually be in the same situation as your elderly parents. In fact, about 67 percent of bankruptcy situations happen due to medical bills. 44:00 Pamela D. Wilson: Insight number five for giving up your life to care for elderly parents, is the idea of balance and 50/50 participation. 13:06 Dr. Vanessa Bohns: So, when you think of this kind of definition of empathy, you can certainly imagine certain people who are more likely to display these skills than others. And at the same time, you can work on empathy almost like a muscle and grow empathy by developing these skills. Listeners do invite your friends and your family to join us every Wednesday evening, follow and share The Caring Generation on your favorite podcast apps, Apple, Google Spreaker, Spotify, Stitcher, Pandora, IHeart Radio, Castbox, Amazon, Alexa and more. 17:43 Pamela D. Wilson: And we’re going head out to a break. Many variables impact whether a loved one who requires care is eligible for such assistance, and what many people fail to ask, … The benefit is available only to unmarried caregivers and those who are separated from their spouse. The US healthcare system is not a situation of prevention. By shifting your mind to a more calm position, your brain can relax. There’s no real action that we can take. The benefits—better long-term health—and the possibility of not having expensive care costs, which means we may not have to go to a nursing home. If your parent can’t live on their own any longer, will you be caring for them at their home, at your home or will they have to consider moving into sheltered housing or a care home? Come join the conversation and see how Pamela can provide solutions and peace of mind for everyone, here on Pamela D. Wilson’s The Caring Generation. If we change the US healthcare system to support prevention and education, starting back in grade school, we could save billions of dollars. And then there’s these light-hearted stories that people who get lost and don’t ask for help. 00:48 Pamela D. Wilson: This is Pamela D. Wilson, caregiving expert. We answer our phones 24/7 and can typically provide care within 24 to 48 hours. Working and caring for elderly parents involves personal losses, like watching the health of elderly parents decline. 16:06 Pamela D. Wilson: So how can having maybe not enough empathy affect somebody’s willingness or thoughts about asking for help or helping other people? Live on the BBM Global Network, channel 100, and TuneIn radio. Once you have a better sense of your elderly parent's needs, you can start working on a plan of care at home. In these uncertain times, the safest place to be is in your own home. There are three fundamentals you need to be mindful of, as you give care to your elderly loved one. And then you’re constantly relying on the same people as opposed to spreading out and asking more people for help. While that may be true, that doesn’t really help a caregiver today. She polishes off a yogurt mixed with trazodone — an anti-anxiety medication — and moves on to a small container of spaghetti with tomato sauce. Have your parents created their medical and financial power of attorney documents and a living will? And imagine all the conversations that you don’t have to have if I am having the conversations for you. There should be discussions about caregiving and how caregiving responsibilities affect adult children, their lives, their families, their work. Especially if elderly parents never thank you. Make a decision that you won’t let this happen again. Now, you struggle to find a job and learn new skills. By having conversations about financial, how to pay for care, and legal matters, caregivers can avoid giving up your life to care for aging parents and create more balance. That online course for caregivers is available through corporations and groups. Spouses are in the same situation. Or actually, this person isn’t as helpful as I thought they were. Stay with me. This way, you will know your parent is getting care that is better than what you can do on your own. Dr. Bohns, so let’s talk about caregivers who want to do everything. Getting Organized to Care for an Elderly Parent. You’re busy all day, and just when you think you can put your feet up, guess what? In many situations, the way something is said can make all the difference. You can check out all the replays of The Caring Generation radio program there. After a few hours, though, your brain might move into problem-solving mode. What are the care preferences? So many people have diabetes, and it is undiagnosed. 07:46 Pamela D. Wilson: The second lesson is to make plans and decisions while you can. We are taking extra precautions to protect our clients and caregivers from COVID-19, and our experienced nursing team is ensuring our compliance with all CDC guidelines as they emerge. When we dwell on negative feelings, we’re the person that gets harmed, not anybody else. Your time of midlife transition doesn’t have to be put on hold completely as you care for your elderly parents. Shifts in family roles and responsibilities result from being a caregiver. I was recently giving a presentation of my book, Body Intelligence—Harness Your Bodies Energies for Your Best Life. We worry about rejection. In fact, you have a bigger pool than you realize. Who’s worried about the other person and who is worried about themselves sort of looking like a good person, feeling like a good person, helping in an appropriate way. This person didn’t really want to help me. Is moving to a care community an option, and how are we going to pay for care? But when your parents go, you’re moved up to the front of the line. Giving up your life to care for elderly parents may also connect to long-standing family conflicts. If you’re losing your own health while taking care of your parents, you’ll need to take a step back and consider the situation. Make sure there’s a plan for you if you are becoming a caregiver for lost income and retirement savings if you’re giving up that job. However, you could be taking on too much in the process. As a matter of fact, it’s admirable. The long-term effects may not be evident right away. How to care for an elderly parent living with you When your elderly loved one moves in with you, the worries and demands of caring from a distance can be eased, but it can also be a huge adjustment for the whole family. This results in savings of thousands of dollars for elderly parents every month. You are truly amazing. I’m your host on The Caring Generation radio program for caregivers and aging adults, live on the BBM global network channel 100 and TuneIn radio. So we worry that by asking for help or revealing these vulnerabilities, it’s really awkward and embarrassing. Why don’t you put an app on the cellphone of your aging parents, so that it’s easy for them to join us every Wednesday night, or they can listen to the podcast after the show airs. Whether that means you’ve lost your job or future opportunities, you may find yourself in financial ruin that you can’t bounce back from. 54:24 Pamela D. Wilson: Do ask for the help. I don’t want to risk rejection again. We’ll be right back. What would you be willing to do? Caregiver education helps caregivers to manage through uncertainty and to always have a backup plan. We’re dwelling on it, we want to give ourselves that freedom to move ahead. I’m Pamela D. Wilson, caregiving author, expert, and speaker. So we’ll start this question if we have to cut out—we’ll cut out—but your article talks about the myth of self-interest. 33:42 Pamela D. Wilson: You might relate the present situation to another near disaster that you successfully solved. 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