Now I have one. I still have a Netflix DVD/Blu-ray delivery plan — and I read you can’t even sign up for that anymore unless you’ve been a member of said plan for quite some time. But I can AND will LIVE with my trauma and my PTSD. If you alienate everyone you care about then it’s easier to: I keep thinking about one reason, specifically, though. I’m just saying they’re not for me. bad movies many flaws not interesting and rather boring i would say these are just watchable Refine See titles to watch instantly, titles you haven't rated, etc Instant Watch Options People care about me more than I thought they might. They keep on firing until our van lost its control. He’s the one who broke my heart. I mean, we basically all are anyway, right? He has an addictive and cumulative smile. (Slams office door…comes back out)…unless it’s flowers or chocolate!”, Anyway, that’s when I knew (for certain), she was gone (read: dead) forever. I can’t stand that reaction About a month or two ago. And now I'm in the hospital because of it. Cute AF. I’m grateful for these two people for sticking it out with me, and I really hope they both KNOW that, for real. Napangiti ako nang makita si Mac. You made me feel as though I was enough Just wow. heir, justcallmecai, gbs. As always, be good to each other . !, honestly, she didn’t know) it was too late to stop the process. This was before I knew my sister couldn’t stand the idea that I might know what fucking town she lived in, of course. Read Epilogue from the story Bad For You by justcallmecai (Captain C) with 18,058 reads. ‘Cause I played it cool when I was scared of letting go I’m so dehydrated y’all. So the deal is because now I can barely get out of bed, and when I was employed as an attorney, I had bought my Brother an Xbox One for Christmas the year it came out, but he uses it almost every night in his room, so we don’t get to play it together much anymore. What I go through is fucking Hell and I’m tired of people pretending it’s anything less than that.). We all are. She’s — for all intents and purposes — a family member who removed me SO FAR OUT OF HER LIFE — that I’m experiencing the loss of someone who DIED in my family. I’m tired of the winter causing my feet to stop working and falling every morning when I wake up. Almost no one knows that because of my progressing illness I physically cannot write, causing me to use voice to text which, in my opinion, any Author who goes through a process like I do will tell you is basically not worth a damn thing on the page. And let’s talk about me being dead. And I’m happy for me.I’ve been watching “The L Word” lately, as I said, (Shane and Max ), and I think they’re by far the sexiest women on the show. I HAVE NOT ENOUGH women in my life who have made it known that they don’t care if I’m dead let alone want me dead at the moment. And oh no, you say I won't hurt you. My Mom told me my sister indeed moved but that my sister also didn’t want me to know where she is living. So I don’t… can’t drive (and I DO miss driving my amazing car and experiencing her free spirit). This was my second bout of major depression. Even the dogs in the street knew that I worked far too hard. As a side note, I was born with a teeth defect. Not until you’re ready to inhale blood Bad Lyrics: Oh, no you think I'm good for you / But I'm bad for myself / How could I be more for anyone else / And oh no you say I won't hurt you / How come I have all these cuts / I guess I Don’t ask me to lie How does it feel to know I know I’m not “CRAZY.”. I swear on my life. In fact I’ve stopped checking it more than 3 times a day (unless something urgent is happening, obviously). But let’s just say I have it in writing. You’ll be fine I have and it’s atrocious and something’s gotta be done Head shoulders knees and toes Mabilis na nagsibagsakan ang luha sa mga mata ko. No men except for my my Brother. Those of us left crying while more violence I have friends on a variety of parts of the sexual identity/gender spectrum which I think is fucking amazing. But I keep telling myself, “hey, it’s NOT YOUR choice.”. Which is why I think she thinks she has more emotional intelligence than me. ‘Cause you were always there for me when I needed you most, I’m gonna love you till I’m tired of the most disgusting good for nothing men talking to me the way they do. I was going to send her a card saying this, but now I’m honoring her wish for me to be dead. Happy Father’s Day to those who are Father’s. It’s because they’re married with children and have these perfect lives — the lives I’ve always wanted, anyway — while I wasted MY time hung up on a gay dude who is now married to his first boyfriend. I can think of reasons which make sense of this type of distancing. I’m proud I care now. And I want my readers to know that I appreciate things and I feel like I am blessed in many many ways and that Xbox One is just one tiny, and perhaps silly, but extremely meaningful example of how much I’m blessed, though a material thing, part of it. Do You See It Clearer? Every. So, I’d mailed them to her tenured place of employment, out of respect for her wanting me NOT to know where she lives (again, even though she is the one that gave me the address). I’m tired of my hands not working making it extremely painful to write. And it’s not like I have to look thin (and thus by usual standards) for any other reason because quarantine. I can’t describe what that was like for me, reader, to find this poem that I have no recollection of writing, one I’d written on Valentine’s Day, no less, written 6 months before my friend passed, and found 6 months after. I’m tired of not being able to ask him any question about. Nothing but mad respect for you and wishing you all good things in your retirement. Especially not to the limited straight, gay, or bisexual trifecta of “options”. But I found it, going through journals, looking for information about a chapter I’m working on for my book. On someone who might be available! I cry hardcore real tears for every black man added to too long a list I wanna dance with you right now Yes. I might make some changes. Happy. MORE. All I feel is insane. Who goes out of his way to be around me. Insane rights laws and freedoms unopposed Bad For You Ft. Gusto Kalel by huntermoramusic published on 2015-12-31T02:56:41Z. I forgot until this week that I wrote what I wrote. It’s just all talk. But you’d never know And a special request today: if you’re pretending to be someone’s friend — and you refrain from telling them certain things because you don’t want them to be hurt — evaluate if you’re the kind of person who won’t unleash those truths later. You should be ashamed of yourselves and yeah I’m judgmental But don’t trust me. I’ve NEVER known a kinder man with his heart filled with pure and unadulterated sincerity. Her birthday is April 3rd. Her comments that made me feel like shit aside, I relayed the information to her and hung up. Time to live a year with no regrets and complete positivity instead — (I know — NOT my strong points since the Hell that was law school, but I’m doing the work and will continue to). It’s just a stain "Nasa langit na ba ako?" Death. My Dad wouldn’t be going to her wedding next summer if I was told I was unwelcome, (and of course I’m not involved let alone invited because I’m DEAD). I guess she’s afraid I might send her flowers for National School Counselor’s Appreciation Week for the 7th year in a row. But a Storm’s coming bitches I have to say I’ve never regretted the tradeoff: MY PROTEST OF SOMETHING I LOVED FOR THE SAKE OF SOMETHING THAT MATTERED MORE TO ME. Mar 21, 2020 - "If there's a book that you want to read, but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it." Until cops stop murdering black men on what feels like a daily basis JUST to throw this out there — if you think you’re uncomfortable — imagine what it could be like caged into those thoughts, with them, forever. I don’t know who I used protection with or not. I’m tired of rejecting men myself — because I know they’re not good enough for me. Now we’re a disgrace to immigrants pathetically instead No more needing to connect with someone — anyone — so badly — that I convince myself that my body has been used and abused SO MANY TIMES that I don’t care that it’s my ticket in — the price of admission. Read story Bad For You by justcallmecai (Captain C) with 67,972 reads. After he died…I spiraled into a whole different upgraded level of spiraling. And the irony of posting this on devices to be read by those plugged in is not lost on me. Because the people who give money were unhappy. aniya at ibinaon ang mukha sa leeg ko. Speaking of fucking awesome things, my Mom surprised me with a new Xbox One the other day! I’ve only ever watched seasons 1-3 — or I guess whatever episode it was when Kurt’s Dad almost died (the show aired 10 years ago so if you’re pissed that I didn’t give you a “spoiler alert” notice — get woke ). Thankfully — I’m incredibly honored and Blessed to announce that someone I love very much accepted my proposal to call her my sister. Yeah. I don’t even remember most of the guys’ names. And that’s just how I feel. I’m so tired of getting tired too easily. My now “I’m dead to her” sister, had ALWAYS teased when we were growing up about how I dressed and would be perceived if I wore “those shorts” or “that shirt,” and teased me about how I was a loser because I didn’t shape my eyebrows, etc., and just trust me…the list goes on. Are you hurt? I’m at capacity. This is a really sad post. And I need to go somewhere that’s not here to deal with that. I’ve never [intentionally] judged ANYONE who many of you might consider an addict. I’m talking about the love of my life (don’t hate me for calling him that LB (if you’re reading this), I know and don’t necessarily disagree with everything you’ve said to me and I love and cherish your support♥️ but it’s where I’m at nevertheless) being gone, and my brain reminiscing about my long lost love. Enjoy ! Wheat allergy. He Tried To Kill Me For A Dollar. I’m not a Writer who writes a hate letter, tucks it away, then burns it later just to get it out of me — my head, my life, my memory. — and that’s what happens in the dream. I’ll bring you coffee with a kiss on your head Don’t ask me to lie, then beg for forgiveness. They’re all black men working minimum wage and they’re always helping me Because my dead sister, and my Mom’s alive daughter, should have been BETTER. Making equality frozen I’m not talking about for a split second either. Everyone’s plugged in. I write here because I love it and because I want to help anyone I can. There is no excuse that could justify her behavior toward me. SO IF you ARE lucky enough to be a “friend” of hers — and you tell her about this post, let me tell you something very important: you’re a garbage person. But this one is particularly special. More. Up in that good ole mind’s eye? I'm with Mac and Stephanie. And aside from venting through my writing like I do…which is essentially just pure pain being expelled from my emotion mind onto pages or typed on a computer screen, it KILLS me that she hates me as much as I’m about to share with you now. To have and to hold and to lock away for as long as we both might live, And then the smile Literally. In the end, I’m not over any of the above. And I can’t control a damn thing she says or does. Why am I? So after making my Mom breakfast before helping her off to work, I tried to leave my sister a voicemail to let her know. In everything I read, or everything I watch, when I insert myself into the place of the narrator/protagonist/etc. A pharmacy in the town I thought she lived in. Hold your head up and be strong And then! I’m—I am so fucking lonely. And mean. She is being expunged from my home as I write this, even. Ipagpatuloy ang pagbabasa ng susunod na bahagi. I’m tired of wanting to tell him so many things all the time but understanding he REALLY doesn’t care about me anymore. I fight them. Trying to OWN my treatment and continuing to make my Counselor and Group proud. I’m just calling out the one person that I Know for a fact toLd her about anything I’ve written in the past, to not be a shit friend.It’s not your place.Leave it alone. Aurelia turns out to be the daughter of a big time criminal. ", Hinarap ako ni Mac at bahagyang ginulo ang buhok ko. Although I know what I have to offer Dad would’ve taken me to a movie. So watch out bitches, because those who have been telling me I can’t withstand the storm do not yet know that I AM THAT MOTHERFUCKING STORM. LoL !!!!! My PTSD is part of me. Obsessed with money. But there’s some light that outshines your gas. He would die 17 days later. I don’t even know how to write this without falling apart every couple minutes — so I feel like I’ve been drafting this for a very long time. Morally, I’m fine with her reading it. It’s like air to me, or music. "Yes, but you need to undergo therapy.". (To be fair — that probably has more to do with me than him anyway.). One day, longer into our relationship than I would have expected, my ex said to me, “you know…I used to think you were complaining and mad and yelling all the time, but then I realized that’s just how you talk.” Why did that guy stick around so long?! Wow. My heart hurts so much. That my Dad, the mastermind behind the ambushes, ordered someone to shoot me? Comments may take up to an hour for moderation before appearing on the site. So if I can spread a smile from my face to the next I’m trying to explain so others understand. But I’m a lawyer and I’m political and cynical which is dangerous to be tryin’ so I officially retired because I know about the laws I’m fightin’, Until the 2nd Amendment gets changed or altered I know it’s not desired Check your government’s website to confirm. To shoot his own daughter. From food and drink, to supplements and medicine, we are here to tell you what is bad and what is not. Finally it’s just you and me till we’re grey and old In so many ways that it sets my brain on fire and there’s no place left in me to put that. You can also add these stories to your library:Chasing After You (Beau's story)Bad For You (Mac's story)Zircon Academy (2nd of Gem Academy Series). Mac held both of my hands this time. Author’s Note: This poem/work was originally written on December 5, 2003. As I attempt to write — let me drop some Klimo knowledge. So Stop Time Right Here In The Moonlight, ‘Cause I Don’t Ever Wanna Close My Eyes. My Mom “surprised” me by telling me I’d be getting my teeth completely fixed forever last Fall. Enemies with my best friend. ‘Cause I’m stronger than I was — Eminem. Each loss I’ve explained continues to KILL whatever “ME” is hanging around these days. Just say you won’t let go I crave it. I look him in the eyes every single day. As far as I know, my now “I’m dead to her” sister, doesn’t read this blog. The good, the bad and the ugly. No. And let your most valuable possession bleed without caring that you’re leaking your pain garnet, heir, academy. Women with certain features, LIKE Shane and Max from “The L Word” are basically my dream partners for life. “Baby Can You Come Over?” I Always Find Those Words At The Bottom Of 100 Proof. Everyone was either a girl or a boy and they would all get married to whatever sex they weren’t themselves (heterosexuality). After hearing my Mentor’s comment that I AM. As I once said to my best friend: “We’re doing things!! Men in uniform laughing at our problems And finally, bisexuality, in college. And I wanna stay with you until we’re grey and old She slapped me in the face — I think because I embarrassed her, very sincerely unintentionally — but I can’t continue living in good conscience knowing I didn’t at least try. The way I’ve seen some Black Lives I know make statements like that, particularly this past week, is sickening. If the people who started the movement want to tell me I’m wrong about INCLUSIVITY, I’m all ears. There’s no healing me. It’s not that I don’t agree, it’s just not something I think anyone should say to anyone else, and certainly not a parent to a very ill, unable to exercise for 4+ medical reasons, hates herself because of all of this, and would rather never eat again than have someone say that about her, meanwhile being always ashamed that she even fucking cares that ANYONE calls her fat because she doesn’t value that — and I personally would NEVER fucking judge ANYONE for such a reason. You’d like it ❤️☘️☀️ and I’ll see you in Orion. I held your hair back when Bad For You is now updated! Totally normal thing for her to get him, right? My now “I’m dead to her” sister wouldn’t have shown up with her [don’t even get me started on how shit he is, making them a perfect match, actually] fiancé if I went. Life is not nearly as simple as labeling. Their careers. Showing them I see them I Have My First Crush Since…Since…Old Tim!?!?!? (<— All thoughts which I welcome, absorb, and shoulder, by the way.). 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