Trivia Questions If you were a Transformer, youd be Optimus Fine. Why did the dad approve of his daughter's goalie-boyfriend? Theyll dessert you. "Tweethearts.". That was just an insect. Wow, the boy replies. Men usually give it to their wives once they are married. What do pieces of fruit write to each other in their V-Day cards? And although this holiday is traditionally known more for its sentimentality than wit and wisecracks, we've still got plenty of chuckle-inducing one-liners and puns, along with groan-worthy dad jokes and laughs in storeperfect to share with your Galentine squad and loved ones alike! However, as you become older, short rude jokes may be the most suitable and pleasant alternative. No gifts today. 19. Happy our birthday to you. My favorite Valentines candy is a hard lollipop. Some of those jokes are dirty jokes (never appropriate but) always funny. Valentine's Day Jokes Fall head over heels with these Valentine's Day jokes. ", 8. It is a great way to impress your loved one too. They're getting married in the spring! It's time to act like a dad and tell only the cringiest and corniest of all jokes. Do you know the real meaning of Valentines Day? Fans go wild over moment Kate jokes with Prince William about Six Nation results at St David's Day parade - before affectionately rubbing his arm in a rare PDA He REALLY is Benjamin Button! What am I?A fireplace.You must blow me to play with me. So speak your mind and do all the things that would make poor old Saint Valentine blush. Looking for a craft to send to your sweetheart this Valentine's Day? The container in which a penis is delivered. What did the pickle say to the other on Valentine's Day? Instead, capture someone's heart with our Valentine's Day jokes for kids. Then I would bang you on every piece of furniture at my house.What the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?Ive never let a garbanzo bean on my chest.If you had a donkey and I had a chicken and if your donkey ate my chicken what will you have?Three feet of my cock up your ass.Congratulations! What did one molecule say to the other? Is your name Chapstick? Copyright 2023 Distractify. One hundred dollars. (Photo: Shutterstock) By Alex Nelson. You are such a sexy person. Where did the high-heel take its date? If you play your cards right, 2-14 is gonna add up to 69. 27. 14. A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. What kind of flower should you never give on Valentines Day? Though many people would pretend they dont like dirty jokes or they dont understand them, but deep down we all know that everyone enjoys receiving a slightly naughty message or laughing at a well-told dirty minded joke. I discharge loads from my shaft. I came three times trying to wash that shit off.Mom: If a boy touches your boobs say dont and if he touches your pussy say stop?Girl: But mom, he touched both so I said dont stopIts not that the man didnt know how to juggle He just didnt have the balls to do it.I took a poop in the elevator. Be my valentine, Because I am horny! Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.What do a penis and a Rubiks Cube have in common?The more you play with it, the harder it gets.What three-letter word starts with an s, ends with x, and has a vowel in the middle?SixWhats the difference between your boyfriend and a condom?Condoms have evolved: Theyre not so thick and insensitive anymore.Why was the guitar teacher arrested?For fingering a minor.A woman walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre. What am I?Gloves.I assist with e**ctions. Ill admit it, I have a tremendous sex drive. Whether it's single people who feel targeted for not being cuffed up or couples who just don't want the pressure, it's the one holiday where some folks vocally take a stand against celebrating. Im trying to examine you.I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet. It doesnt cure it, but it keeps the sheets off my legs at night.What do you call an anorexic woman with a yeast infection?A Quarter Pounder with CheeseEvery man has one. if you do it too long you will go blind. The son replied Dad, Im over here.A couple gets married, and on their wedding night, the wife asks what a penis is.The husband, surprised, pulls his out.She says, Oh, its like a dick but smaller.What did the sex toy store employee say to the customers before closing for the night?Its time for you to beat it! Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. 2. 5. What is it?A nose.My wife gave me a handjob the other day using Vaseline. Sports Because this feels just right. Your name must be Autumn because I am falling for you. Are you in need of some dirty minded jokes? She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, Your penis is bigger than your brothers.What do you call the lesbian version of a cock block?A beaver dam!What do a pizza delivery person and a gynecologist have in common?They can both smell it but cant eat it.My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. So, before you dive in, grab some snacks and drink to enjoy these dirty minded jokes and abandon all your worries for the moment. Were like hot chocolate and marshmallows youre hot and I want to be on top of you. Why do air fresheners love Valentine's Day? Here are all of the places I want to give you a Hersheys Kiss. Why not share these jokes at the end of the day when only the adults are left standing? Best Valentine's Day jokes valentine's day jokes (TODAY / Getty Images) Are you the internet? You're like my favorite card in a deck: the king/queen of *my* heart. Im like butter, you can spread me anytime. Today, I just want you to stuff me. "I want you inside me." "Give it to me! Let me show you why. Its almost Valentines Day, do you know what that means? Do you have a large bone youd like me to examine? ", 50. "Whale you be mine?". "Lovesick.". "I keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love!". What's the most romantic ship? One of the examples of a short dirty jokes and riddles. Spring Now you have to remove them.Why did the sperm cross the road? 2 Funniest pizza jokes; 3 Pizza knock-knock jokes; 4 Pizza delivery jokes: 5 Cheesy pizza jokes: 6 Pineapple pizza jokes: 7 Halloween pizza jokes: 8 Pizza jokes for adults: 9 Dirty pizza jokes: 10 Corny pizza jokes: 11 Pizza dad jokes: 12 Pizza box jokes: 13 Dumb pizza jokes: 14 Deep dish pizza jokes: 15 Pizza Hut jokes: Lingerie is half-off in stores today, but in my bedroom, its going to be 100% off. What did one piece of toast say to the other on Valentines Day? Why does a mermaid wear seashells?Because she outgrew her B-shells!How is sex like a game of bridge?If you have a great hand, you dont need a partner.What do you do when your cats dead?Play with the neighbors pussy instead.What has 148 teeth and holding back a monster?My zipper.What is Moby Dicks dads name?Papa Boner.Whats the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? Valentine's Day memes:60 hilarious memes for Valentine's Day lovers or cynics. I can fill your holes when asked to. A Valentine's Day jokes list wouldn't be complete without a few more mature one-liners, though, so be sure to keep those funny Valentine's Day . How did the two prunes confirm dinner plans? Distractify is a registered trademark. 13. 20. My girlfriend lives forty miles away.What do you get when you jingle Santas balls?A white Christmas!Whats the difference between kinky and perverted? 15. I like your styleI like your classbut most of all I like your ass. What am I?Nose.Ive currently got a stalker. I find you very attractive. 7. Roses are red, violets are blue, f*ck the flowers and candy, I just wanna screw. Im sorry, but if Christmas is coming so am I.What do you call a video of two toads having sex?Frogspawn.What gets longer if pulled, fits snugly between br*asts, slides neatly into a hole, chokes people when used incorrectly, and works well when jerked?A SeatbealtWhen at the supermarket, I always pick the cashier whos most likely to have sex with me. Whats the difference between your boyfriend and a condom?Condoms have evolved: Theyre not so thick and insensitive anymore.Do I believe in safe sex? Dirty minded jokes are never meant to be decent; instead, they are always inappropriate yet funny. Ill be the 6, you be the 9. ), line up a classic rom-com (or two) to view, and get ready to giggle in the name of super-cheesy, love-themed quips. Most girls are hoping for a big rock on Valentines Day, but what I want is something that rhymes with that. All combined it adds up to all the great content you see! Whats the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?Ones a Goodyear. Because I put on the wrong sock this morning.Whats the difference between hungry and horny?Where you stick the cucumber.A familys driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windshield. All of his friendships were so pla-tonic. Your head. After the dirty jokes treat together with your co-adults play thisSongs With Filthy Lyrics. 157 Dirty Minded Jokes That Will Bring Out Your Naughty Side. Maybe you'll even impress them with both your dirty mind and your creativity. Amazing Funny Facts and Crazy Statistics! Funny Quotes and Sayings "You're purr-fect!". The jeweller smiled and said, "Yes, sir; how very romantic of you." "You're my butter half!". "You're one in a melon! I mostly live in your pants and I am always in your mind, you cannot live without me. What did the love-obsessed candle say when it was lit? What am I?Their last name.Want to know a proven way a man and woman can be friends without s3x?Marriage. You turn me on. chemistry lover. A: HalfwayI didnt have sex at all, not a scrap til I was 67. Naughty Valentine's Day jokes: 16. Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird. If you were a triangle, youd be acute one. 13. Id rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth, the woman told her dentist. Simply fold a piece of paper in half, grab some pens, markers or crayons and draw one of the following images (or print and glue, if drawing isnot your forte) with a punny message: Treat your friends:13 cute Galentine's Day gifts they'll love. For example, what becomes wetter as things get raunchy? Learn how your comment data is processed. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?Hold on to your nuts, this aint no ordinary blowjob.What do the Mafia and pussies have in common?One slip of the tongue, and youre in deep shit.Did you hear about the constipated accountant?He couldnt budget, so he had to work it out with a paper and pencil.What is the first thing a man puts in a woman when they get married?The wedding ring.Whats the difference between a prince and a booger?A prince is an heir to the throne. Do you know what youd look really beautiful in this Valentines Day? Don't worry about paying rent! And that was cos Id no small change for the window cleaner.They say that kissing is a language of love, so would you mind starting a conversation with me?Scientists have proven that there are two things in the air that have been known to cause women to get pregnant: their legs.If a guy remembers the color of your eyes after the first date, chances are you have small boobs.If a threesome is with three people and a twosome with two, do you now understand why people call you handsome.What name do you give to a country where everyone is pissed off?Urination.Sex is like pizza, if youre going to use bbq sauce you better know what the fuck youre doing.A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis, her mom said you should have asked me last night it was at the tip of my tongue.A worm crawls out of a pile of spaghetti and says: Damn, that was one hell of a gang bang!You know youve got a high sperm count when she has to chew before she swallows.If its true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning. Because I have a funny feeling in my stomach that makes me think I should take you out. ", Related: 100 Unique Valentine's Day Gifts, 26. What's 6 inches long, 2 inches broad, and drives ladies insane? What am I?Tweets.What do newly married couples get on their wedding day thats long and sometimes hard?A new last name.Whats the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?The taste.I want to be inside you every day, and you can set me to vibrate for extra fun.

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